Cards Against Humanity
by Hollyflash
Summary: Cards Against Humanity; a party game for horrible people. Or, you know, two bored ghosts, two hybrids who thought stopping by Clockwork's for a visit would be fun, and one Master of Time who still doesn't know how this game got into his tower. Oh well, same difference. Two-shot. Probably.


I'd just like to say that this is my first time writing Ghostwriter and Spectra so it's not my fault their characterization sucks okay? Okay.

So, this is for Tumblr user Ibelieveinahappilyeverafter whose name on here I'm too lazy to look up! Shocking, I know. This is based off of her tags on her post, and the fact that she then encouraged me to write it when I told her it interested me. Everything just kind of fell apart after that. ^^'

Ehhh I can't think of what else to put. I blame the fact that I have like three final exams next week. Warning for dick and inappropriately timed Holocaust jokes.

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><p><span>Cards Against Humanity<span>

Clockwork was all for second chances. That was why he'd pulled several strings to get two ghosts released from Walker's prison. The fact that he absolutely hated the man and that he got to see Walker's complete fury when the Observants told him he had to hand over Penelope Spectra and Ghostwriter had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Yes, absolutely nothing at all.

Part of the deal of their release would be that the two would spend one week with Clockwork in which he would 'rehabilitate' them. Because of that, the two now sat across from each other at a small table, a cardboard box in front of them. Clockwork narrowed his eyes as Ghostwriter took out two decks of cards, one white and another black. The last time the two had found a deck of cards they'd gotten into an all-out brawl over a spoon.

Clockwork didn't know the context of that and to be honest, he wasn't sure if he wanted to.

"Don't you need three players for this game?" Spectra was asking as Clockwork approached them.

"Would you rather play Spoons again?" Ghostwriter said, handing her some of the white cards.

"No thank you," She rubbed her arm, "You have a very strong jaw."

Clockwork raised an eyebrow, "Did you_ bite_ her?"

Ghostwriter gave himself some of the white cards, not looking up at Clockwork. "You've obviously never played spoons."

"That or he's much less kinky than you are." Spectra said, turning to face the annoyed Master of Time.

"I don't appreciate the two of you talking about me as if I'm not here." Clockwork said, grabbing one of the black cards set on the small table between them. "Cards Against Humanity?" _How did this get here?_

"Want to join us?" Ghostwriter asked, pushing some of the white cards towards Clockwork. "We need three players."

"I'd honestly rather-" Clockwork felt the pull at his core barely a moment before he heard the main door swing open and hit a wall.

"Hey, Clockwork!" Danny called, steadily getting louder as he came towards them. "I heard you broke someone out of-" Danny cut off as he poked his head into the room, noticing Spectra and Ghostwriter. "…Prison. Hello." He waved his hand at the three of them before looking up at Clockwork, obviously expecting an explanation.

"I did," Clockwork said, floating back as Danny's clone poked her head out from behind them. "They're about to play a game, if you two would like to join." _And I'll be able to have some peace and quiet._

"Uh, thanks, but we're good." Danny said, looking uneasy. "We just wanted to… stop by…"

"I want to play!" Danielle spoke up, quickly flying past Danny and grabbing a stool. She floated back, sitting directly across from Clockwork. "What are we playing?"

"Cards Against Humanity," Ghostwriter replied, and Danny quickly rushed between him and Danielle.

"Ah, sweet!" He grabbed some of the white cards, "I love this game! And I got the bees card!"

Danielle frowned, "Bees?"

Danny nodded, "Yeah, that one." He looked around the room, "Are there anymore chairs?"

With a wave of a hand, Clockwork teleported a chair down for him to use. "Spectra, Ghostwriter. I would like to make it clear that if either of you do _anything-"_

"You don't trust us?" Spectra placed a hand on her chest, "I'm hurt, Clocky. Don't you like us?"

"Don't call me that."

"You aren't going to play with us?" Danny frowned, "Aw, why not?"

"I have more important things to do than play a card game." Clockwork reasoned, turning and ready to get back to look.

"Let him go, Danny," Danielle said so softly that Clockwork almost missed it. "His humor's probably too old and crusty for this."

"Old and crusty?" Almost unwillingly, Clockwork switched to his elder form as he turned back. "Old and _crusty?"_ He repeated, teleporting himself a chair. "No. May I have some cards?"

As Ghostwriter handed him a set of white cards, Clockwork missed the Phantoms give each other a fist bump.

"What rules are playing with?" Danny asked, examining his cards. "Oh, wait, Dani's never played. Just pick the funniest white card you have in reply to whatever black card gets read. If you're Card Czar, you read the black card and then the white cards we've sent to you to go with it. Then you pick the best one. Make sense?"

Danielle nodded, and Clockwork tried to act as if the information wasn't new to him.

"First one to seven wins, no repeat cards, and no happy ending." Ghostwriter said, doing the same. "I'd rather not hear the poor attempts at haikus you all can make."

Clockwork looked down at his cards, wondering exactly what was meant by 'no happy ending.'

"I vote Clockwork as the first Card Czar," Spectra said with a smile. Danny and Danielle both got a look on their face like they'd gotten some joke Clockwork had missed.

"That's not how it's-" Ghostwriter cut off mid-sentence, pushing the deck of black cards towards Clockwork. "Pick a card."

Clockwork did. "My country, tis of thee, the sweet land of… blank."

Three cards were pushed towards him in a matter of seconds. Danielle hesitated before pushing hers over as well.

"My country," Clockwork read, "Tis of thee, the sweet land of… police brutality."

"It rhymed," Ghostwriter said, leaning back in his chair. Thinking back to more torturous punishments Walker had done, Clockwork silently acknowledged that Ghostwriter wasn't wrong in either claim.

Danny snorted, "Of _course_ it did."

"And is relevant no matter if you're in the Ghost Zone or Human Realm," Clockwork said, hoping for a distraction from the game. Spectra however wasn't going to allow that and pushed her card, then Danny's, towards Clockwork. "My country, tis of thee, the sweet land of the patriarchy. My country, tis of thee, the sweet land of Bill Nye the science guy."

"Read mine!" Dani was nearly bouncing on her stool.

"Alright, alright," Clockwork half expected hers to be cute, and have something to do with rabbits. "My country, tis of thee, the sweet land of…" It had nothing to do with rabbits. "…My Dad's dumb fucking face."

Danny burst out laughing, nearly falling on Ghostwriter as he rocked his stool. "Vlad does not approve!" He gasped, trying to calm himself. "Okay, okay I'm good." Danny sat up, breathing deeply. "Screw Bill Nye, give that point to Dani!"

"It wasn't even funny," Spectra said as Clockwork pushed the cards closer to the center of the table, unsure what to do with them. Danny seemed to realize this, as he grabbed the back card and gave it to Dani. The white cards were shoved under the bottom of the deck as everyone who had submitted one last round picked a card to replace it. "What would Daddy dearest say if he knew you were saying such rude things about him?"

"Spectra," Clockwork said slowly. "Unless going back to Walker sounds appealing, I suggest you refrain from threatening her."

Spectra rolled her eyes, but pulled up a black card to read. A smirk crossed her face as she did so. "In a world ravaged by blank, our only solace is blank."

Danielle was the first to slide over two cards, a huge smirk on her face. Danny had a similar expression as he did the same. Examining his cards, a similar expression rose onto Clockwork's face as he and Ghostwriter both pushed their cards over.

Spectra read Danny's first. "In a world ravaged by Justin Bieber, our only solace is dying." There were snickers. She read Ghostwriter's next, "In a world ravaged by Christians, our only solace is crucifixes." Though there were smiles from the others, Clockwork was the only one who laughed at that.

"You two have no sense of humor," Ghostwriter said, looking at the Phantoms. Danny huffed in offense, but Danielle continued to watch Spectra with a grin.

A shadowy hand picked up Clockwork's cards as Spectra read those. "In a world ravaged by genuine human connection our only solace is and bunch of idiots sitting around playing a card game instead of interacting like normal humans."

"Good thing none of us are normal humans then!" Danny said, and Danielle pointed at her cards.

"Read mine," She said, tapping them twice. "Read mine!"

Spectra did, but not out loud. After she had, she turned to Danielle. "I like you, child."

Danny grabbed Danielle's stool, pulling her away from Spectra. "Just read the dumb cards."

Spectra rolled her eyes, but grinned at youngest player. "In a world ravaged by the Jews, our only solace is Auschwitz."

Clockwork stared at the little girl as her and Spectra laughed, giving each other a high five. Danny had a similar expression of disbelief as he stared at his cousin, and though Ghostwriter seemed mildly unnerved he produced a card which read 'inappropriately timed holocaust jokes' and laid it on the table.

"You see that card?" He said, "That card is you."

Spectra gave Danielle the card as her point, and everyone who'd played got two new cards. Dani placed it with the other card before picking one to read, "They said we couldn't put blank in blank. Well, they were wrong."

Clockwork hesitated a few moments before pushing his cards forwards and the other players did the same. _Maybe an American history joke will get me a point._

Dani read Spectra's first, "They said we couldn't put the South inside of a vagina which leads to another dimension. Well, they were wrong." There was laughter, and she picked up Danny's cards. "They said we couldn't put necrophilia inside of inside of grave robbing. Well, they were wrong."

"Why does someone use that combination every time I play this game?" Ghostwriter asked, talking mostly to himself.

Danny grinned, "Because it's funny!"

"It's _generic."_

"Yeah," Danny said, "That's because it's funny!"

Danielle picked up Ghostwriter's cards. "They said we couldn't put the homosexual agenda inside of the Holy Bible. Well, they were wrong."

Danny blew more out of his nose than normal, looking as if he was trying not to laugh. Clockwork didn't bother to hide his amusement with those cards.

"See, that's funny," Ghostwriter said, leaning back in his chair once again. "Mine have actually made Clockwork laugh when everyone else just made him smile awkwardly like he was trying to figure out our jokes and couldn't."

Clockwork glanced over, "They have not!"

"Actually we have," Spectra said, "You don't spend too much time around others, do you?"

Clockwork narrowed his eyes, "Unless going back to Walker this instant sounds appealing to you, I suggest you stop insulting me."

Danny coughed, "Can we go back to playing the game now? Dani, read the other cards."

It occurred to Clockwork that the two remaining cards were his own. "They said we couldn't put white privilege inside of the Underground Railroad. Well, they were wrong."

Spectra made a sound similar to a laugh, and there were smiles before Danny said "I vote we give Ghostwriter the point."

Nodding, Danielle handed him the point and Danny grabbed one to read. A smirk quickly appeared on his face as he read, "Blank: Kid tested, mother approved."

Clockwork groaned. There was no way this would end well.

Everyone put their cards in, and Danny read Clockwork's first; "Another shot of morphine: Kid tested, mother approved." Next was Ghostwriter's, "A defective condom: Kid tested, mother approved." Thirdly, Spectra's, "Oh my god. Incest: Kid tested, mother approved."

Clockwork leaned back in horror, and Ghostwriter looked as if he was trying not to smile.

"Read mine, read mine!" Danielle said, and Danny picked it up.

"Okay, okay- oh god," He snorted, "Oh my god. Dani, no!"

Danielle smirked, _"Dani_ yes."

Still sputtering, Danny managed to gasp out, "My Dick: Kid tested, mother approved."

Despite how much Danny had enjoyed Danielle's card, it was Spectra who got the point. Dani wasn't too happy with that.

The next black card which was read was "When I'm president of the United States I'll create a department of blank."

First up was Spectra's card; "When I'm president of the United States I'll create a department of child beauty pageants." Next was Danny's; "When I'm president of the United States I'll create a department of penis envy." A pause as Ghostwriter looked at Danny. "I don't think you know what that means."

"It means he wants your D!" Dani piped up, and Spectra smacked the table as she let out a loud wheeze-like noise, grabbing onto Dani with her other hand.

"I like you," She managed to say, and Clockwork ran his hands down his face, ignoring the two who were blushing and looking everywhere but at each other.

"I can't believe I'm actually saying this," Clockwork spoke up, "But can we please get back to the game?"

"Yes please," Danny spoke up, reaching over and detaching Spectra from Danielle.

Ghostwrite picked up the next card, "When I'm president of the United States I'll create a department of some goddamn peace and quiet. When I'm president of the United States I'll create a department of this year's mass shooting. I wonder whose card that was?" He said, looking at Danielle.

She held out her hand, "I'll take my point now."

Ghostwriter calmly put the white cards under the deck and twirled the remaining black card between his fingers. "It's not yours," He said at last. "Normally I go for the more twisted ones, but there was another I did like more."

Danny straightened up; obviously hoping penis envy had won him a point. Dani however simply crossed her arms and stuck out her bottom lip.

Spectra sighed, "It's penis envy, isn't it?"

Danny pumped his fist in the air, "Yes, victory!"

Ghostwriter rolled his eyes as he reached over to push Danny's hand down. "Why would it be that one?" He slid the black card along the table, watching as it stopped in front of Clockwork. Clockwork stared at the card for a moment, wondering if he'd meant to send it to Spectra and missed.

Nobody said anything as Clockwork slowly picked up the card. As he quickly noticed it was simply because they all seemed annoyed they hadn't won.

Clockwork smiled as he drew another card. "And the Academy Award for blank goes to blank!" He read, watching as the other players picked their cards.

This game was easy enough to figure out, and Danielle was only a point ahead of him. He could still win this. He just had to pick the most twisted cards he could.

Clockwork glanced at his own cards, imagining which ones he'd have picked if he wasn't the Card Czar. Oh yes, he could _definitely _win this.

The only who noticed the almost evil-looking grin appear on Clockwork's face was Danny, who promptly moved himself closer to Ghostwriter. "What?" He asked when the ghost looked down at him, "You're the least terrifying one here."

Spectra raised her eyebrows at them, "If a weird smile and horrible jokes scare you, I suggest you stay away from his books."

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><p>What is that? Why was I throwing in Iambic Prose references? *Shrugging motions continue* We just don't know.<p>

Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna watch some Spectra episodes so I don't screw her up more finishing this. Until then, thoughts?


End file.
